Updated: Mar 20
Mom had pancreatic cancer and after a while, it had slowly grown to the lungs then the brain. Her motor skills were good, but her mind was in a permanent state of Sundowners. Sundowners occurs when the light fades as the sun goes down. It is common in people with Alzheimer’s but, mom did not have Alzheimer’s and experienced Alzheimer’s symptoms of agitation, restlessness, irritability, confusion, disoriented and suspicion. She always knew who her family and friends were and communicated her needs and wants. She often fell out of bed, going from one room to another, and in the bathroom that, once, caused a bump from hitting her head on the bathtub as she went down. The fire department was called a few times until we learned how to safely pick her up off the ground. She tried to hide her bathroom falls and did not want it to be made a big deal. I was guilty of yelling the first time, “What happened! Oh my God! Are you ok?!” She would calmly say, “Cher, stop yelling at me.” After feeling guilty of upsetting mom, I stopped making the big deal that she was trying so hard to avoid. Though, it was disturbing to witness. Her freedom to roam the house was rescued by Hospice and the bed they would eventually provide. It was quite a relief to me as her caretaker; at the time because it scared me not knowing what her condition was after hearing the fall and what I would find after running to her aid.
My children and I moved into my childhood home after our challenging experience having her move in with us. Everything she needed was at her house and the commute between homes was less than five minutes and closer to the elementary school. I brought my work with me and had someone stay with mom during the day so I could attend to other commitments. I was working a full-time job, attended classes at a local college to further my career, and studied for 2 state mandatory tests with deadlines that would maintain my professional state licenses. I had my hands full besides singlehandedly taking care of my children while my husband was recovering from surgery in a rehab facility. And, more than anything, I wanted my children to make lifelong memories and spend as much quality time with mom before her condition progressed to the point where she was too far gone.
My mother came to appreciate her new routine with her daytime caretaker. Kay was amazing. Mom had a full-time companion and once we had a new routine in place, things got easier. Kay was a joy for mom and was the first person to find a white feather on the floor by the foot of mom’s bed.
Mom was having an “episode” claiming to have seen her mother who we called Bubbe, Yiddish for grandmother. Kay witnessed mom looking through the television set, where energy leaked, to talk to Bubbe. Out of respect for mom, Kay left the room until she was finished. The minute she returned, she walked back out with a dumbfounded look on her face. She said to herself, “you did not just see that! This is not happening!” because she had seen a large white feather lying on the floor near the foot of mom’s bed.
It wasn’t there when she had left the room to give mom her privacy. She called me at work. Kay was mystified. As a believer, she read into it as a message from an angel. It was exciting! But I wanted to try to debunk it just to be sure.
The question is when we find feathers or pennies, which are said to be found as messages from loved ones who have passed, according to https://www.powerofpositivity.com/deceased-loved-one-contact/, how is it that they are in the place where we will find them? The answer could be as simple as it doesn’t matter how they get there, what matters is it was meant for you to find it.
One way, it could have been brought in on a shoe or coat by a visitor, or, somehow made its way out of two layers of non-porous material that contained feathers in a pillow that sat on the couch next to mom. I felt the pillow for exposed feathers that may have poked out of the material. There were none and I could not imagine any feathers getting through the material. The fact is, there was a feather at the foot of mom’s bed and in the path of her “conversation” with Bubbe.
I asked mom “have you seen dad yet?” She had a sad look on her face and shook her head and said, “where is he?” She was desperately looking for dad’s spirit. She missed him like crazy. I told her to keep looking. I would continue to ask her daily if she had seen dad and her answer was always “not yet”. Until she did!